Galley Girl – She's in Your Kitchen

In the shadow of CHOC and Saint Joe’s with a string of high rise financial buildings to the south, Kaffa is the kind of coffee lover’s refuge where ER staff and personal bankers refuel on freshly percolated Sulawesi Estate while they tap on  laptop keyboards or chill with this week’s James Patterson release.  

 On a coffee break there last week, I witnessed a middle-aged woman with hair like Joe Jonas wearing a bad anime wig pressing for a  Hello Kitty latte.  

Cafe du Frond.

‘Um, we don’t really focus on art.” managed the uncomfortable barista, and with that he whipped up a painstakingly wrought 12 oz. latte brimming with a thick layer of silky espresso crema and  creamy froth.  

She had him carry it to the table for her,  apparantly fearing spillage, and the surface did undulate like a water bed in a Poconos honeymoon suite, but he never spilled a drop. She seemed to forget the Sanrio character in favor of a simple free style palm frond and inhaled the aroma as if it were a glass of 2005 Chateau d’Yquem Sauternes.  

Scrub crawl.

She’s on to something. The coffee at Kaffa does have much of the dizzying complexity of wine without the pesky side effect of napping on the banquette. My latte featured a heart, the only other design the baristas  at Kaffa do, but fancy foam isn’t everything.  Mellow, lush and fragrant with locally roasted espresso beans the creamy, earthy latte induces a smooth time -release buzz that never feels jolty or crashy.  

 The place is full of double shift-working hospital personnel and loan officers for whom Scooby Do Scrubs  and custom Swarovski ID lanyards are respective workplace fashion statements, but you almost feel as if you could get by wrapped in a burgundy Snuggie to complement the warm gold walls and cozy, stay-a-while vibe.   

I heart Kaffa!

The regulars are people who depend on caffeine in ways most of us don’t. Performing a ten hour surgery on a diseased liver lobe calls for crystal clear focus that may only be summoned by vats of French-pressed Ethiopian Yirgacheffe.

Unlike many dedicated coffee houses for whom food means a glass case full of pre-made sandwiches and hardtack-like scones, Kaffa has a full breakfast and lunch menu with items made to order.  

Personal Zest.

The best selling Chinese chicken salad is straightforward, utilitarian sustenance. It’s the kind of thing that would trump hospital cafeteria food any day, but its nothing you couldn’t find  at, say,  Mi Mi’s.   

The tuna melt looked ordinary, but the soft focaccia was pressed into crispy, warm, almost lacy submission and  seared with fresh tomato and blistered provolone. Bonded with just enough mayo, the tuna was bright with pungent, miniature curls of lemon zest and flecked with onion  and pickle dice  throughout.   Fair warning: keep close tabs on whoever leaves the ward to do your lunch run, this melt has legs.

424 S. Main St. , Ste. K Orange, 92868 714.978.1992. Lunch for two, $15.00,  food only.

If your schedule is amenable to taking coffee breaks in the vicinity of Garden Grove, by all means, take a skateboard,  fixie or Ellipti-go to Viet-Parisian bakery Pierre’s Patisserie and Boulangerie. Though the latter mode of transport will make you look like a human Jackalope galloping across the ruddy, baked asphalt of Little Saigon, it will be necessary to combat butterfat the likes of which you haven’t seen since you sat in the dark watching Julie and Julia, wishing your Edward’s popcorn were doused with Plugra instead of beta carotene-colored oil that resembles Bain de Soleil  Tanning Gelee.

Authentic pastry chefs don’t ration out thimble-sized portions of butter like fastidious kindergarten teachers stingily administering glue during a craft session. Lest you forget, here’s a little pastry chef 101: before baking, the pastry dough rectangle has a butter block the size of an FAA-approved flotation device sealed inside, and then, with more roll-outs than an anti-cellulite spa treatment and more folds than an origami crane, voilà! You’ve got dough!

Glossy apple galettes, lacquered dark chocolate-filled croissants, crackly palmiers and chewy, slightly sweet almond-studded marzipan balls revealing a cherry center are just a few of my faves. The specialty cakes are like those spammy Snopes-refuted ’YOU’VE GOT TO SEE THIS’ emails from dad and his cronies; they look good on the outside, but the content?  Notsomuch. Try the ethereal sugar-studded pastry puffs next to the register with a sip of sweetened condensed milk-laced espresso.  Featherweight baguettes as long as Louisville Sluggers hot from the oven and are just $1.35.

 Pierre Boulangerie and Patisserie 14354 Brookhurst St. Garden Grove, CA. 714.418.9098. Coffee break for two, $10.00.

Turkish Latte by Ashley

When Martin Dietrich opened Kéan Coffee, it was a huge day for our caffeinated coast. Diedrich lovingly treats coffee beans as what they are: food. Yet he doesn’t compromise what we all love: style. The result is heady, complex performance art. Kéan’s superlative baristas personally stylize each cup coaxing perishable tobacco-hued espresso crema and meringue-textured micro foamed milk into rosettes, hearts, exotic palm fronds, rabbits and even Pac Man on the surface of your latte, no extra charge! Last time I was there, a woman with maniacal Dan Zane’s-like hair asked for and received a Piero Fornasetti sun motif. Next up: The Lord’s Prayer on a patch of Macchiato foam. Kéan Coffee 2043 Westcliff Drive, NB 949.642.5326. 13681 Newport Ave. Ste. 14, Tustin. 714.838.5326. www.kean.com Coffee and snacks for two, $13.00.